i just did something terrible

i went to a chinese buffet.

i know i know. i dont know why i did it. but it happened. and i wish it hadnt. i shouldve known, considering it was in fremont, which not only is a wasteland, but does not have a high Chinese population.

you would have thought, also, that the condition of the restrooms would’ve clued me in to what i was about to endure. chartreuse lychen grew up the back of the toilet and the faucet only ran two temperatures: bone bursting cold and flesh melting hot.

but no. we continued on- holding our cafeteria trays and sliding past each basin of luke-warm wads of over-sauced meat and bug-eyed seafood.

again, i shouldve known not to proceed as i walked over to the salad bar and nine dozen prawns were staring up at me…nuzzled together like clams in mud.

i couldn’t save them. they were already dead.

so we sank into the plastic sheathed booths, avoiding eye contact and wondering silently why we were two of 7 people there.

$7.99 for unlimited msg to fill my howling gut seemed like a good idea until i bit into the “kung pao” chicken and decided i was actually eating pigeon- or possibly something canine.

i spit out the half-gummed carcass, and tried the shu mai. it was stuffed with sausage and cold in the middle. strike two.

gyoza- like road kill wrapped in tire rubber. strike three.

did i keep going? yes.

my roommate attempted her “meal” next. sweet and sour chicken? no. “pizza?” no. sushi? definitely not.

we decided after her attempt at dessert and my inability to decipher if i was chewing lo mein or tape worms,

to run out of the place, puke in the parking lot, and drive the 27.5 miles home.

we each sucked down a camel light (didnt help) and then finished off my $2 container of hippy gum.

i dont think i will eat for the rest of today. whenver i look at my cat harold, i feel guilty cause i just ingested his cousin.

this song just gets me

i’m feeling super bummed ever since i came back from NOLA. i know i still need to write my sad entry about it, but my throat gets so full when i even look at the map. anyways, this song (please see “crosses” by jose gonzalez) makes me feel like i can soon write about it. it is a sweetness boiling from pain.

you know when you heat up butter and honey, and it creats this golden froth? that is this song. watching it roll into a slight bubble and at the end licking the frothy spoon you stirred it with. it’s still too hot and you may have burned the tip of your tongue, but it’s worth it. the sweetness wouldn’t be the same any later. just perfect.

lyrics:
Don’t you know that I’ll be around to guide you
Through your weakest moments to leave them behind you
Returning nightmares only shadows
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright for now
Crosses all over, heavy on your shoulders
The sirens inside you waiting to step forward
Disturbing silence darkens your sight
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright for now
Crosses all over the boulevard
The streets outside your window overflooded
People staring they know you’ve been broken
Repeatedly reminded by the looks on their faces
Ignore them tonight and you’ll be alright
We’ll cast some light and you’ll be alright

p.s. i got my driver’s permit today. my fourth one. i WILL get my license this time.